sHiNy wHiTe ToWeR oF sTeeL

A simple but HEARTFELT thank YOU.

2010-11-24T05:02:00.000-08:00

September 26, 2010. I have been waiting for that day to come. Not only I, but thousands of other aspiring educators as well, with the objective of passing the Licensure Examination for Teachers, if not being able to leap through it with flying colors. My prayer was very simple, that God would help me remember all that I need to remember and forget all that I need to forget. Prior to that day, I had a big fight with my other half, making me doubt what my future would be in my desired profession. I asked God if He wills for me to continue taking the exam and I got a sign that He did. Without proper sleep and with head full of thoughts and worries, I went to the school where we were to take the examination. I listened very well to all the words that were coming out of the mouths of the proctors, even to those conversations which were not even meant for the examinees. I made sure to listen and take into heart every instruction, suggestion, and advice. I was sure that God was beside me when I took the exam, although no chair was prepared before Him. He patiently waited for me to read again and again each question, contemplate about each answer, and go through it again if there was doubt that was left in me. I prayed for two things, for my heart to be both soft and hard depending on how the events would take its course. I prayed for a soft and humble heart should I be given the opportunity to pass and make it. I also prayed for a hard heart, as strong as a diamond so that I could easily accept the results of what I started for the day. I was the first to finish taking the exam in our assigned room. I felt very light upon going home, not sure if it was fatigue and sleepiness I was feeling or the happiness I felt that something heavy was lifted from my shoulders. I was talking with God at that time. He was silent.

November 16, 2010. God spoke. He was smiling and was saying the words "Well done my child. Well done."

Impossible? Not for Him it isn't

2010-02-14T09:01:00.001-08:00

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried, my mind would wander somewhere else, no specific place, just that my mind won't rest. So I decided to surf the internet, check my mails, and visit my blog (which I don't often do). I really am lazy when it comes to writing but at this hour, I feel like unloading my thoughts, so here I am.

I thought of something that I would write about, and suddenly, I remembered that I had to write about this certain topic; how God, again, has shown that He is a God of the impossible.

I went to Manila on August 24 to 28, 2009 to attend a seminar on fumigation, something that had to do with our family business. I wasn't that interested, and admittedly, it wasn't actually one of the things I am very eager to learn (since it involves math, computation, science, chemistry and the like, I think you get what I mean). I spent the entire week listening and trying to cope up with the things taught to us at the seminar. At the end of the week, we were to take an exam to measure what we have learned and to check if we are eligible to be a licensed fumigator. I had information overload since there were a lot of topics discussed, topics that were too foreign for me since it was just at the seminar that I learned about the backgrounds of my co-participants, of which are just the opposite of what my course was: almost all the participants were graduates of BS Chemistry, Engineering, and a lot of them were already working for a government organization or already practicioners of Pest control science.

Despite my difficulty in absorbing everything, I tried my very best, always studying and practicing the computation exercises given to us during the lessons, and believe me, the computation part almost made my nose bleed. Not only that, we had to memorize tons of scientific names of insects of which the common names I haven't even heard of.

At the end of the week, we took the exam. I kept on praying, not just to pass the exam but for God to make my heart accept whatever the result was, may it be good or bad, and for me to still acknowledge His goodness despite the negative result. I also informed my mom of the slim chances of passing the exam since I wasn't very good at the computation exercises, and that made up 70% of the items. During the exam, we were given different sets of questions by my seatmates and were also given seating arrangements to ensure no cheating would take place. Upon seeing the questions, none of them were from the quizzes they gave us during the entire seminar. All the terms were unfamiliar, although I tried answering each of the items and made sure that I didn't miss a single item to improve my chances of having correct answers. Miraculously, I was able to answer each of the items (although I wasn't sure if those were correct answers). Then came the computation, my brain must have slept at that time because my mind completely went blank. I was too nervous that I forgot the formula I had to use and the way to compute the answers. I was also concerned about the time since the proctor kept on reminding us what little time we have left in finishing the exam. After that, what I remember was that I just answered everything without knowing if it was the correct way of doing it. What I made sure of was that I didn't leave any blank unanswered.

After that, I never cared to say goodbye to the people I was able to befriend at the seminar. I was too ashamed to be asked what my answers were and sped right off to go home. While going out of the building, I felt I was floating. I thought about what my mom would say and the expenses that were incurred because of the seminar. The registration fee was already at 8,000 pesos and that did not yet include the airfare, food and other expenses while staying in Manila for a week. Thank goodness one of my bestfriends let me stay at her place for the duration of the seminar.

While at the LRT, I sent an sms to my elder sister telling her of how I felt. It was the first time I ever felt that way because it was the first exam I took which wasn't in line with my skills nor my experience. The organizers said the results of the exam would come out after two months. I didn't bother to wait. I already knew the result.I prepared the speech I was to give to my mother upon arriving home.

Along came September, November, then December. I already forgot all about the exam which I took. 2010 has begun. No letter whatsoever from the Fertilizer and Pesticides Authority, not even one stating that I failed or that I was to take a removal. I prepared myself for the worst that was to come. I knew it.

Then there was a call from my mom just this week. She said they got a letter. She read to me the content of the letter. Her tone of voice was nothing out of the ordinary. By the time that she finished reading the letter, that was when I knew that it was the one we have been waiting for, and it wasn't the result I was expecting. Mama said I passed the exam. I couldn't believe my ears. I literally jumped up and down out of excitement and was just too ecstatic about it. The feeling I had at that time was an unfamiliar feeling. It was like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

God really is a God of the impossible. That was proven many times already in my life, and has been proven, yet again, by what had happened. I could not have passed the exam out of my own intelligence since admittedly, I hate science and have never shown interest about that subject from the first day I started schooling. That experience just validated how big my God is; bigger than my fears, my insecurities, and definitely bigger than the obstacles I meet in life.

Are some things impossible? Yes. But never to worry, we have a God of the impossible. He would stay that way until the end. I give back all the glory and honor unto Him who has been the source of everything I have.

Death is Real

2010-02-07T04:05:00.000-08:00

I was moved by the message we had during our service this evening. It was something that I knew a long time ago but had forgotten maybe due to our unending busy schedules and unecessary worries in life. I'm sure you know Brittany Murphy,Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Patrick Swayze, and Frank Sinatra, right? What do you think is the common factor among those people? One, they are celebrities, they are known, they are famous. Two, they are all dead. Three, their deaths are so sudden that we never thought it would happen to them. What is my point? Death could arrive in our doorsteps right this minute and we would never be ready. Even the people suffering from a terminal illness aren't sure what exact date, time, and hour they will be able to breathe their last breath. Despite our youth, our strength, our status in life, in the end, we would be having our appointment with death, and that's something we could never include in our organizers no matter how eager we would want to put a date to it.

James 4:14 says "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes." The last part of that verse does spark a big realization and hits the truth like an arrow in a bull's eye. That's why we need to make sure that we are living a life that is worthy of the time we have been given here on earth. As Ephesians 5:15-16 states, "Be careful, then, how you live not us unwise but as wise, making the most out of every opportunity because the days are evil." Let us be wise in our decisions. Let us make sure that we do not waste every precious grain of sand falling in each of our life's hourglasses. Let us not make the mistake of living our lives in liberty without knowing the consequences of our actions.

Death is real. Do not be foolish and deceived that we have the freedom to do whatever we can according to what we want. We are already freed by the truth that Jesus Christ has brought to us. With that, let us live our lives according to the truth that is in the Book of Life and make sure that we abide by it. The Bible, although it was written more than 2000 years ago still bears the things that people need despite the changing times. It was, it is, and will always be.

As simple as I love you

2010-01-17T05:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder what makes us love people. As I was searching for answers to my questions, I've found out one thing: there is no definite answer. I am not sure if it is indeed caused by certain chemicals produced by our brain or it is simply because we chose to love that specific person we have fallen for. I always ask my husband why he loves me, and I get a very confusing answer; I don't know. That's what inspired me to write the poem below. I was trying to provide an explanation for his answer, and remarkably, I understood him because when I asked myself the same question, I ended up having the same answer as his. =)

I’ve been asked before why I love you
I thought I would be able to answer
I searched for words that would justify
But my mind went shut and my mouth went dry

There is nothing extraordinary about you
Your hair, your face, your eyes, your nose
Everything’s the same with others
Why did I have to choose you and make my doors closed?

I’ve wanted someone to woo me
Someone that would say good things about me
Someone that would take the moon and the stars
And promise to make me the center of his universe

Nothing ever came out of your mouth
No words that would make me head over heels in love with you
Not by words did you win me, now that is true

But All you did was show it all
And that’s what you just had to do

Never did I hear you complain about me
Even when I’m not in my best mood
Although there are times you lose your cool
At the end of the day we sort everything out
Just like what they do with math problems at school

You gave me love just by stroking my hair
When you had no idea I was pretending to be asleep
You gave me love by accepting me for who and what I am
And making me feel complete

Now I ask myself why I love you
But still couldn’t answer why
But it’s okay because now I know
That true love can’t be explained by words nor be justified

I love you because that’s how I feel
I love you, my husband for no reason at all
I love you without hesitations and limitations
And I know I don’t have to explain it all.

I love you for who you are, for what you are, and what you will still be,
I love you my better half and your presence is all I need to be blissfully happy.

Thank You

2010-01-07T00:21:00.000-08:00

Sweat trickling from Your brow
Blood gushing from the wound inflicted in You
Shouts of people whom you chose to save
You could have said no but still you did what You had to do

Crown of thorns on Your head
A mockery of your real identity
We have trampled upon You
Unknowing, ignorant breed of people that we are

Thank you Jesus for the blood You’ve shed
Thank you for the life you gave
Our hurts wouldn’t compare with Yours
Because of You Heaven and Salvation have opened its doors

Whatever are we worth that You have sacrificed Yourself
To become payment for what was done more than 2000 thousand years ago
The Father closed His eyes, let His Son endure the pain
Angels grieved for the Lamb of God that was slain.

Thank you Jesus for the blood You’ve shed
Thank you for the life you gave
Our hurts wouldn’t compare with Yours
Because of You Heaven and Salvation have opened its doors

Running, we will be running
Chasing, chasing after You
Running, we will be running
Running away from the filth of this world
To come to You, to be welcomed by You

Plea

2009-12-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

We keep running away from
From the embrace of love
Love is the main point of it all
All of it wasted and we’re now breaking, falling

Falling in the snares of the world
Allowing ourselves to love what shouldn’t be loved
Forgot about Your teaching
Fools to have been deceived

Your blood is the sacrifice
Giving us life
Cleansing the dirt, erasing the pain
Make us be born again

Welcome us in your embrace
Help us stand tall in this ruin
Don’t turn away Your face from us
Hear the cry of your people

Save us from the depths of darkness
From the pit of anger
From the fires of insecurity
Who would eat us up, eat us up

A Promise

2008-05-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

We look at ourselves and we say that we are better than others. Better in a sense that other people are more sinful than we are. If we compare ourselves to people who have been convicted as murderers, rapists, and those convicted with other crimes, we could surely say the punishment they deserve are much more that we should endure the moment our Creator judges us. I had that kind of thinking before, I thought I was a better person because I never did the things that would offend others. I have always followed life's rules, if I may put it that way. Jesus Himself stated more than twice in the scriptures that unless we repent, we shall all likewise perish. No matter how big or small our sins are, it is of the same caliber, they are sins. There is no little or big sin. In God's eyes, they are still sins, a stumbling block for us to draw nearer to Him.

No religion can save us. No living person can buy eternal life. All we need to do is to draw near to Him and have a personal relationship with our Savior. It sounds corny at this day and age, but to be honest, that's all we need in order for us to have a fulfilled life. No man can stand the agonies of everyday living without someone to depend on. If you want a wall that you can lean on, He is always there. He is just waiting for us to come to Him. Matthew 11: 28-30 "Come to Me. all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Lipay lipay!

2008-05-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

One of the most treasured moments in my life was on the 10th of May. My closest friends and I went to a resort called Bluewaters in Samal Island. It has been a while since I was with them. The place was beautiful and it's as if we rented the entire resort to ourselves. The view was perfect, the weather was good, and we really enjoyed our stay there. But I think the most important part of it, was that I had fun with the people I was with. It feels so good to be with people whom you would not have to pretend to be somebody else. My college friends and I just have these colorful personalities that would never bore you, and that's what I missed so much. I sure hope it is just the beginning of our adventures and not the last!

Boast in Him

2008-05-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had an achievement? Of course you have. All of us have achieved something in our lives. It can concern having high grades, winning an essay writing contest, or being able to surpass the trials that we have encountered in life. I read a story in the book of Judges concerning a man named Gideon. He was assigned by God to lead the men of Israel in defeating the Midianites (a group of people who were persecuting Israel at that time). The Midianites were very many in number. As Written in the scriptures, they were many as locusts and their camels were without a number, as the sand by the seashore in multitude. God specifically instructed Gideon to bring only a few men, in which He would deliver the Midianites to them.

As I was reading, I wondered why God wanted such, when in fact, given that the Midianites were too many, then Israel should have had many warriors that would be able to defeat their enemy. Then I was able to see an answer to my question, written in Judges 7:2 And the Lord said to Gideon, "The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their (Israel's people) hands, lest Israel claim glory for itself against Me, saying, 'My own hand has saved me.'

It just hit me. God always wants us to acknowledge His name. In whatever we do, in whatever triumph we have in our lives, we should always bring Him back the glory and honor. There are times that we think we are great because we are able to rise above others. Many times we depend on our own intelligence and ability in doing things. Worse, we sometimes boast of it. It may not be to other people, but to ourselves. We sometimes think highly of ourselves, and I know no one is exempted from that kind of attitude. We are but humans. We have pride, especially if God bestowed us the gift of intellect. This is just a reminder, to myself and to those who might be guilty of it. We should always remember, if we are to boast, let us all boast in His name, because He alone knows everything.

On Teaching and Learning

2008-05-08T03:58:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through one of my friend's blogs when I saw an article about teaching. It brought me back the memories of being a volunteer teacher in the boondocks of Mt. Apo. Even before I graduated from college, we were already sent to UP Diliman to study subjects that are in line with teaching. We were given education units, seminars, and trainings that would equip us when we get to the areas where we were supposed to teach. I was assigned in Temporan, Magpet, North Cotabato. When I arrived in the area, I was full of hopes, determination, and ideals. I thought being a volunteer teacher was easy. I handled the four year levels of a local high school there. I taught the English subject. After a number of sessions with the students, I realized that it wasn't easy. Some of my students could barely read, and yet they were already in high school. Some could read but after reading a certain selection, they are not able tell if they understood anything. At the end of the day, they would forget all the lessons we discussed because their minds wandered on the chores they were supposed to do. They would be absent in class when it is season for the harvest of corn. They needed to help with the harvest because they are also expected by their parents to contribute to the family's income.

I was very idealistic when I graduated from college. I told myself I would really make a difference. But, there came a point in my teaching career that I wanted to quit, simply because I wasn't able to meet my own expectations, expectations of myself and of my students. I cry every night thinking that my existence in the area was not helping anybody at all. The students could not cope up with the curriculum the Department of Education wanted us to teach. It was really frustrating. However, as I was reminiscing the days that I spent with my students and in the area, for the entire year of being a teacher, I realized something. I wasn't only there to impart knowledge and teach the underserved area of Temproran, I was also there to learn. I shouldn't have attempted to be a hero when it comes to the students' education. It was enough that I tried to teach them something, sooner or later the values I taught them and even the English lessons we have discussed would be remembered by them. It was a two-way process, they learned from me, and I from them.

I learned to have a simple life; to cook without a stove, to fetch water from a well, to sleep without a single electric fan, to bear with the blackout if heavy rains occur, to leave the luxury that I had while I was in my parents' house, and lastly, to learn how other people value the lives that they have outside the "civilized" life that we have here in the city. I could still remember one of my students telling me that she does not consider their family poor, despite the fact that she has seven other siblings and that they do not have electricity nor her parents had regular income. She told me she never felt poor. As long as they are able to eat three times a day with adequate food in their table, that was enough for her. I could still remember the happy tone of her voice while she was talking about her family. I could see that she was happy despite their situation. They barely had the things that "city" students have. They are not aware of the new gadgets and the latest fad but I could clearly see in her eyes, she was happy, full of joy, if I may put it that way.

It is good to reminisce the past and learn something from it. Although we do have some regrets with the things that have happened, there will still be things that we can be thankful for, new learnings that we could use in our lives. I learned the value of contentment and simplicity from my students. I learned to give importance to what I currently have. I learned to appreciate my life better.

Work is for the living

2008-05-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

Humans never get contented. When we have something, we tend to ask for more. Just for example, we buy the latest model of mobile phones, but then again, technology improves and the next month, there are newer models of mobile phones presented in the market so that ours become outdated. On our jobs for example, we have been longing to be hired by the companies that we apply for, and then when we get in, we complain of the workload that our superiors give us. To be honest, I myself am guilty of that. I have resigned in the previous companies I was with, because I wanted to have bigger opportunities, bigger money, to be exact. And so, that kind of thinking made me a lazy employee, not doing my work the way it should be done, and making excuses for me not to be able to come to work. In short, I slacked my way out of work. I never did the best in all the things that I was supposed to do.

I read a verse in Ecclesiastes 9:10 of the Old Testament, saying : Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going. It gave me a realization, that we have to value our work, our jobs, or whatever we want to call it. It doesn't matter if it is just household chores, schoolwork, or work that we do for the government or big multi-national companies. The verse just tells us that our job or the work that we do is a blessing. It's a blessing because despite how difficult and tiring it may be, it is God's way of giving us an opportunity to live, a chance of showing how intelligent we are, and the way for us to be a blessing to others. We only have limited time here on earth, we might as well enjoy what little time we have left by being happy while working because when the last chapter of our life closes, our knowledge and skills are of no more use.

Live to Worship

2008-05-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

Your love O Lord, reaches to the heavens.
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like majestic mountains,
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide.

I will lift my voice to worship You my King,
I will find myself in the shadows of Your wings.

This song by Third Day just refreshes my entire being. It gives us the assurance of God's promises in us. It helps us grasp His Omnipotence and glory. The lyrics of this song were taken from the Book of Psalms, a book containing the praises and adorations that God wants to hear from His people.

There are times that we get too tired with our lives. People disappoint us, we get hurt, and then we hurt others as well. Listening to songs that would uplift us would be very helpful. It wouldn't only comfort us but would give food to our souls as well.

Tumong sa Kinabuhi

2008-05-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

Why are we here on earth? Why, of all the possible human beings that might have sprang up from the seeds of our mothers and fathers, were we the one chosen? It is simple. God has a purpose in our lives. He originally created us for His glory. Let us do everything according to the plans that He has for us. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."